Really! Who wants to be normal anyway?
The other day I had a less than “pleasant” conversation with someone that I care about deeply (even though I might not show it most of the time) about a subject that has come up often and without any thought given, consciously anyway. She made a comment about how she is living a “normal and happy” life now, referring to mine as "less than" hers and that I was miserable and unhappy and that she wouldn’t expect me to even begin to understand that!. In the past, this would have a been a huge trigger for me, but it wasn’t. My first thought was “normal? Who the f*** wants to be normal?" And how does one really be happy being normal? Is it even possible? Isn’t normal and happiness kind of like an oxymoron when used in the same sentence? Then I had this overwhelming touch of sadness and empathy and grief all at the same time. Not for me though, for her. See, I’ve never been able to be "normal." Anyone who knows me knows that I believe normalcy is conforming and to me conforming is sort of like imprisonment. I believe this is why such a large number of marriages fail, too. So this really made me think about being normal. Can a person really be happy being, well, normal? And is that happiness real? or is it denial? So to start, the very first thing I did was look up the definition for “normal” and here’s what I found.
nor·mal
ˈnôrməl/
adjective
conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected.
"it's quite normal for puppies to bolt their food"
synonyms:usual, standard, ordinary, customary, conventional, habitual, accustomed, expected, wanted;More
Yep, I’m sure now.... she was right, I’m definitely NOT normal. I am abnormal. And normal is exactly what I thought it was and what I could never be. So the next question that came to mind was, OMG, am I f***** up? Am I in denial of this myself? Maybe she’s right? Maybe the whole world is right!!! Maybe I am crazy? Why don’t I want to be normal like most people? And then suddenly this wave of calm came over me and everything became quiet in my head. And I let that be for awhile and just breathed with my thoughts. After sitting with this for the remainder of the morning I came to realize that I am who I am and she is who she is and “they” are who they are and that’s all okay! it’s only when we impose this label, this idea, that we fall into judgment of it. That’s when the party ends there. Judging, name calling, etc. you know “my way is the best way” kind of stuff! But the question is still, can you really be happy being normal? And can you really be happy if your not? Of course you can! The truth is, I’m really happy with being who I am. I’m happy in my own skin. I don’t feel the need to change things about myself every day. I choose the way that I think about things and that’s a big difference. I own what I say most of the time and what I don’t I learn from. But It is normal to react in a negative way when we get touched or triggered by an offensive comment or action from someone because it’s what most of us know. It is in fact abnormal not to.
I am not normal in almost every sense of the word. But I’m not crazy either, I have intention and I find a great deal of happiness in the simplest and smallest of things. I don’t need to change my life because I’m bored with it or feel it needs to be bettered somehow. The things I do (and don’t do) are choices I make. Maybe not always conscious at the time, but eventually it catches up. So, yes, I’m NOT normal in that sense! And I love and embrace that fact.... Who wants to be normal anyway?
